Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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