it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
