You just made me feel so damn special
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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