i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
