hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Terrible idea I love it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
