He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
