Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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