My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
