I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Couch. On fire.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
