would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
