Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
