My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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