i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
