I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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