Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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