Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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