I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
