the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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