Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Someone came in the potted fern
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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