We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
