somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
