it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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