I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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