This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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