i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
