Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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