My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
