so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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