My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
