you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
