I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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