omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
