I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
