do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I did not marry a roomba.
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