That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
