ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
