shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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