We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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