I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
