So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
