i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
