I can tuck mytits in my pants
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
