How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
