kristin has been a bad kristin
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
