i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
