remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
