I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
