Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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