I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Even my vagina gasped.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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