She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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