your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
